Internal Family Systems Therapy

What is Internal Family Systems?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a non-pathologizing, evidence-based therapeutic approach developed in the 1980s to help people heal by accessing and healing their protective and wounded inner parts.

What the hell does that mean? Well, family systems are made up of a bunch of different people with different personalities that sometimes clash. Internal family systems are the same, they’re just made up of parts of us instead of different people.

What Does Internal Family Systems Have to Do with My Issues?

Let’s look at an example. Maybe you’re in a shitty relationship, but every time you think about leaving, you feel yourself falling toward a never-ending abyss of pain and misery. Some people would say you’re codependent or you have abandonment issues. But IFS is non-pathologizing, so there’s no shaming labels.

Instead, we would compassionately explore this wounded part of you that fears being alone so deeply. Maybe it’s a version of you that was abandoned as a kid or a part of you that feels incompetent. What happened to make it feel that way? What does it need now to feel safe and confident?

Another example might be a part that drinks too much at times. IFS therapists won’t call you an alcoholic or tell you to go to AA. Again, this approach is non-pathologizing so there are no bad parts. Instead, we would look at why this part gets the urge to drink. What pain is it protecting you from? Is there perhaps a different way for it to protect you?

All of these parts are led by a core Self that innately knows how to heal. The Self is calm, confident, compassionate, curious, and courageous. Every human being has this part within them, although it can be really hard to access if you don’t know how. IFS helps you first access the Self and then embody it in order to heal your parts.

For more info about IFS and how it works, this video is a good overview. You might also check out the book No Bad Parts.

Are you struggling with feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or confused?

Why Internal Family Systems Therapy?

People often feel that the IFS approach is less overwhelming than some other forms of trauma therapy. Since the focus is on “parts,” it’s easier to look at painful thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as just that – a part of you and not the whole of you. You are not simply one part. You are a unique and rich tapestry of parts!

If you think this sounds like utter bullshit, it’s cool. Some of us used to think the same thing. Then we did Internal Family Systems therapy myself. The point is that this way of thinking can give you a little distance from things, making them less overwhelming.

The goal of IFS is not to eliminate parts, but to get them to work together in harmony.

The motto of Internal Family Systems therapy is No Bad Parts. How much of your life have you spent trying to shame yourself into being “normal” or doing what you “should” be doing? While shaming a part of yourself may work temporarily, it’s not so helpful long term and can lead to a lot of disconnection and self-betrayal. By identifying and accepting all of your parts, you can correct problematic behaviors or issues in your life while still being the kind, loving support for yourself that we all need.

It’s like the difference between having a parent who yells at you and shames you to get you to do things and a parent who is kind and supportive while also being a firm, loving presence when needed.

How Internal Family Systems Therapy Can Help

IFS therapy naturally builds mindfulness and self-compassion without even really trying. You don’t have to set aside time each day to meditate or read cheesy affirmations every morning (although it’s cool if you like doing that stuff). After practicing IFS for a bit, you’ll likely naturally find yourself being more aware of your inner world, less reactive, and kinder to yourself.

Our goal is to help you feel safe, supported, and knowledgeable about what you’re experiencing. To help you find answers and a path forward. Here are some of the things we can help you with:

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